Depravity Gone Viral: A Thin Line For Humanity on Facebook

Sept 17, 2010 Deep breath. In. Out. Hold. Center. Ommmm…

I’m trying REALLY hard to abstain from a kneejerk reaction to the ‘dare to share’ assault and twice-raped (by media) teen in Canada who had photos of her horrific ordeal plastered onto Facebook by morally bankrupt bystanders.

You could say it was “Over the Line” as MTV’s anti-bullying digital literacy youth site “A Thin Line.org” would indicate, but frankly, it’s so far ‘over the line’ it’s off the charts and into full tilt corruption of conscience to the point that it’s disturbingly surreal. Where’s  Your Line.org is a resource, movie, and movement aimed at helping teens draw their lines and determine their boundaries of what constitutes ‘consent’…and there was not a thing ‘consensual’ about this horrific case which Jezebel covers at a fevered pitch quite well.

I’m trying to reach highly respected Connect Safely co-founder Anne Collier who is at the Internet Governance Forum (IGF2010) on net freedoms to gain insights into how this voyeuristic violence could have even been posted in the first place from a digital loophole/content clearance perspective on Facebook.

I realize internet systems can’t watchdog heinous hooligans ad infinitum, but this begs a great BIG exclamation point in terms of HOW rape photos could eke past protocol much less go viral,  especially amidst lopsided hyper-vigilance of ‘porn charges’ being levied on grandmas who take toddler bath shots on vacation, ya know?

Though we surely don’t want to throw out the media “baby with the bathwater’ as the old cliché goes, I’ll freely admit my “mama” monkey brain triggers to industry’s lack of accountability and responsibility in terms of what’s being offered as ‘entertainment’ lately (see Julia V Taylor’s debrief of last week’s MTV VMA awards just for starters).

Add in new film releases this week depicting social media antics and ‘oopsie’ viral moments transpiring, like Easy A and Sony’s slimy “Virginity Hit”…(all of which deal with raunchy commodification of sophomoric sexploits vs healthy sexuality) and you’ve got some messed up behavioral cues and social norming coming to the teen media forefront.

Apparently, according to this Globe and Mail article, young gents are becoming more and more ‘confused’ as to what constitutes consent.

There’s a lot slipping through the cracks in the name of free speech/digital frontiers and profiteering that is crossing A Thin Line of selling a desensitized version of sex and ‘hookups’ that are working AGAINST rather than FOR youth rights, safety, and socioemotional health…

Now with the digital virality and rape brutality of an assault case it’s a multi-layered crime scene.

I’m NOT trying to shoot the messenger, though it’s no secret I have a hearty disdain for the reckless business practices of Facebook, time and time again. It has a bit of a ‘repeat offender’ feel to it with brand tarnishing from the perennial patterns, open disdain of privacy and dismissive, cavalier approach to user’s experiences by CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

Clearly, the trauma of the rape victim, coupled with the desensitized idiots trying to reframe her trauma in ‘she had it comin’ mode’ are enough to make my blood boil as it is…but when you toss in the nonchalant role of media execs that perpetuate a policy of “ask for forgiveness rather than permission” the eerie parallels crossover into some vile territory. Ick.

It makes me want to shoutout,

“Hey, Zuck, rather than make a buck off of every teen’s keystroke, ad serve, and e-havioral profile,  how about allocating some of your megabucks moolah to safety systems and checks and balances to preclude and prevent this kind of aberration eh?”

Not that it’s easy to “policy-protect” socially corrupt behavior, but logistically, there’s GOT to be a better digital system analysis for pixel/photo recognition.

If the same photos keep cropping up every time Facebook snuffs out a group posting them then there must be a better ‘scan and prohibit’  system than deleting them in “whack a mole” style which no doubt replays the trauma in PTSD mode for any victim of violent sexual assault. Am I right, engineers?

As for the crimes themselves, the callous, debauchery leaves me entirely slack jawed, with news reports like:

“The RCMP have been contacting Facebook users who have posted them and demanded they be removed and deleted. Many have complied, but some have so far refused…” (say what? these are human beings?)

…”As for the photos, a 16-year-old boy was arrested and later released as prosecutors consider charges of producing and distributing child pornography.”

Wow. I’m not a fan of ‘criminalizing’ teens into compliance, with what should be a humanist ‘given’…but has it REALLY come to this? Must we use a ‘scared straight’ mentality to whonk people into finding their own moral compass? Are we that ‘lost’ as a culture, people?

“Law enforcement officials have reiterated that this was absolutely a rape, and that anyone who distributes the photos is running afoul of child pornography laws.”

Legalese for, “don’t make light of this or you’re an accomplice too” which is altogether true in MULTIPLE bullying contexts but really jarring when one considers those words even need uttered.

This CTVBC report was heartbreaking, “Police and parents have been powerless to stop the spread of graphic photos of the sexual assaults, which have gone viral on Facebook and on cell phones, while other teens continue to make vicious, untrue statements about the victim online, said the father.”

In a plea for his daughter’s privacy, the father reiterated,

“The rape continues with all the photos and comments on Facebook…”It makes me sick.” I want to appeal to parents to look at their kids’ computers and cell phones…Delete these pictures if they have them, not for the fear of being arrested, but because it’s the moral and ethical thing to do,” he said.

At times it feels like the ‘moral and ethical thing to do’ has been lost in our crass culture…but we can, and MUST keep trying to turn this tanker around.

Is it possible to turn ‘bystanders’ into ‘upstanders’ reversing the attention factor into “Cruel’s Not Cool” peer pressure to applaud the positive?

Hat’s off to those who are repeatedly trying, like SchoolClimate.org’s BullyBust commitment wall at left.

In an effort to keep my sanity and faith in humanity, I try to deconstruct ALL torrid media moments through a ‘what can we learn from this’ lens in order to unearth profound life lessons that raise mass media awareness for change rather than lower the limbo bar in ‘how low can we go’ pop culture expectations…

So instead of focusing only on the desensitized callousness of peer kid vid reactions, let’s try to focus on how we can TAKE ACTIONS…with preventive parenting practices, media literacy empowerment, and productive ways victims of violence can use media to band together and hold on tight for unconditional support and help with healing.

Clucking that “the sky is falling” with every social media misfire from this one to the bullying/suicide cases of Phoebe Prince and Hope Witsell will not contribute to solutions-based thinking, so I’ll keep trying to address these digital crimes with resources to help.

Example? The ten year old traumatized by a Skype chat flash/trash this past week set internet safety queens abuzz BUT it also prompted the founder of YourSphere, Mary Kay Hoal, to write “Getting The Most Out of Skype Safety Tools” tweeting, “If your child is on Skype make sure you use safety controls.” In seconds, badabing, I had a helpful link of updated screenshots and how-tos to customize privacy settings.

And Skype Safety came not a moment too soon. My fifteen year old had ironically downloaded, set up and proudly Skyped me, “hey, mommm!” with a little emoticon wave in my Skype window.

This sent a wave of empathy down my spine to beleaguered parents who struggle to keep abreast of the latest developments in the media mix. It’s hard enough for ME to stay on top of media devices and deployment with all ages of kids in mind, much less a random parent who doesn’t blog about media and marketing’s impact on kids from the inside out.

When children get hurt using ANY media tools and platforms there appears to be a big media blitz followed by a bunch of talking heads with the ‘caveat emptor’ card in play, as perpetrators hide under the guise of anonymity and ‘blame it on parental supervision’ to trump all.

Bollocks I say. It’s a two-way street.

As the parent of a teen girl who rolled her eyes when I plopped down beside her to explain why she’d want to alter her settings the day “Facebook Places” geolocation went live (as I wrote about here) and who also is ogling the new iPhone4 video chat (good luck with the pricetag/pragmatics/parental pitch there, kiddo!) it makes me bristle like a porcupine when I hear the almighty proclamation:

“It’s the PARENTS’ JOB to keep kids safe online and offline 24/7…”  Argh.

Industry pundits conveniently wash their hands of responsibility while pawning off covert and overt opportunities to ‘engage’ with kids. And no amount of ‘parenting’ would’ve helped that teen girl from being drugged (though I admittedly have already shared Vanessa VanPetten’s  teen tips on keeping drinks from being spiked, etc)

So what CAN we do to find the silver lining in horrid humanity snapshots like this without shrugging in ‘give-up-itis’ which pretty much gives tacit approval to the degradation of humanity as a whole?

I say we snap to full attention and ask ourselves:  What Kind of World Do You Want?

1.) How we can help in preventing digital loopholes, antisocial behaviors, and shift the track toward UPstanding rather than BYstanding? Industry? Parents? Youth? Educators?

2.) How can we give power to the GOOD news (like these global go-getter teens) with equal media fervor to fan flames and ignite a SPARK in productive pursuits away from ?

3.) How can we best support, applaud and champion change agents making a difference, like The Purple Ribbon Campaign to End Rape, A Thin Line, Love is Respect, Kids Are Heroes, TEDxTeen, Pixel Project for Violence Against Women, Love is Not Abuse, and other worthy orgs? (see link list starters at the end)

4.) How can we join forces in and out of the industry to hold media and marketing accountable for churning out misogynistic messages of unadulterated crud that are fouling up kids rights to healthy sexuality?

5.) How can we recruit YOUTH to vote with their wallets and wisdom against reinforcing degradation and sexualization, to pushback and rebel yell with fervor on stereotypes and representations of an entire generation being framed as misanthropes when case studies, philanthropy and caring, positive personas are more normative than not.

As kids wade through the seas of identity and struggle with the notions of self-care as well as caring for others, the least we can do as youth advocates, peers, or parents is understand what kids are surfing through and help them face down adversity through openness and conversation to sound off, cry foul, and break a systemic cycle of toxicity.

Oh…and one more thing parents can do?

Get in the game. Experience hands-on what kids are dealing with in mobile/social environs…‘Friend’ your media.

Today’s guest editorial is by a Canadian gent and dear friend of mine, Andy Church, who has three kids in each level of school (elem, middle, high) and who offers his take on the Facebook tragedy along with HIS tips of what parents can do to advocate for their kids with media savvy.

Andy Church is also President/CEO of WhyHire.Me a post-secondary education program for developing ‘the four D’s’ of a student’s personal brand, working with educators and innovators at a curriculum level with online tools for the digital age. He’s truly a ‘dadvocate’ who is ‘in the game’ far beyond the sidelines and I admire him on multiple levels. Welcome, Andy!

Parents, get in the game.
by Andy Church

The recent story about a sexual assault being documented on Facebook saddened me on so many levels.

A young girl being assaulted and having it documented and SHARED? What on earth has come over people? You can share your outrage by clicking here (to send positive, uplifting support for the 16 y.o. victim in Pitt Meadows, BVC)

We are now seeing social media themes being weaved into the fall movie lineup. The Virginity Hit includes the trite old story of a young man desperate to lose his virginity. Video cameras and YouTube are heavily integrated into the film.

How does a 13 year old interpret the “art” of this film in contrast to life happening online?

I have to believe that the majority of students that saw the assault images were horrified and hopefully involved in reporting the crime and posting of the material. For those that did not, I might suggest their parents or guardians need to step in. From my viewpoint, I get the sense our youth are losing perspective on acceptable and appropriate behavior.

A friend and father came across a high school student on Facebook that suggested (the boy) was in the house and was going to rape his daughter.

He reported this “joke” to the student’s high school principal and community police officer. Needless to say, the young man’s parents were shocked at his behavior and said it was completely out of character.

For those that have tweens and teens that are using Facebook and other social media tools, I submit the following suggestions:

1.    Get in on the network. Insist you be friended and have full access to their wall and status updates. Keep an eye on what you see and make note of the language and material flying by. Find an opportunity to review some of the remarks or content that will invariably shock you.

2.    If you see something completely over the top, share the content with the parents of your child’s friends. Remember the old saying, it takes a village. A great tool for sharing online content is Jing – its free.

3.    Have a conversation about friending. Some kids think it’s a contest to friend the entire world. The general rule we advocate is, friend someone you would have into your home or have lunch with.

4.    Keep your computers and laptops on the main floor. Challenge your kids as to what they are sharing, viewing and interacting with. If you don’t think this is necessary, check out Chatroulette.com (Amy’s note, for pre-vetted safety to get the gist of it, check out the marketer’s infiltration of Chatroulette promoting The Last Exorcism horror flick with the tables turned on the voyeurs, er, viewers…)

Keep talking to your kids. They may begrudge your viewpoints, but they need to be parented.

If we don’t step in and set boundaries, then be advised…web sites, movies and brands will keep feeding them whatever it takes to drive Internet traffic. For them, it’s all about the clicks, traffic and ticket sales. Parenting is not their priority.

Thanks Andy…And of note:

I purposely do NOT friend dear daughter on Facebook (nor do I use her name or any family member, as you’ve all noted by now!) as I figure she has enough of my own media literacy lessons foisted upon her, and needs a separate identity and her own world with privacy out of view from a public media eye.

Andy’s point is well taken though, to ‘get in the game’ in any and all aspects of parenting outreach. Not hovering. Not clinging. Not bubble wrapping. Not controlling. Just ‘getting in there’ on the same level field so THEY know that YOU know what they’re experiencing. It helps.

Resources and media support for rape victims and violence against women

On Twitter, here are a few feeds link-laden with valuable information, hotlines, help and support, with special thanks to the crusaders at @PixelProject for starting me down this path. To add more, just leave a comment and I’ll add ’em to the list.

Ending Violence Against Women (#VAW)

Twitter Women2Follow: These amazing VAW leads offer vital resources of support, healing, news and championing change along with others dedicated to inspiring women and girls.

#FF @ElinWaldal @violatorstop @RLPShelterFdn @RevoltRealWomen @GlobalFundWomen @RosaForWomen @Asohan @staronline @womens_aid @CRASAC @scotwomensaid @MonsoonIOWA @MenCanStopRape @preventviolence @JLM_FGM @CALCASA @NYSCASA @unicef @UNIFEM @SinbySilence @taasa @NAADV @womensaid @el_karama @endDV @SafeWorld4Women @BreaktheCycleDV @MADECoalition @LoveisRespect @StepUp @SayNO_UNiTE @WhiteRibbon @ResponsibleMen @NCADV @abusesurvivors @NickKristof @barcc @bell_bajao @amnestyOz @amnestyUK @AaronCohen777 @Loveyou1st @CalVCP @SurvivorSpeaks @LoganLevkoff @Betty_Makoni @MCRisley @a_thin_line @thelinecampaign

This is just a sampling of the many resources out there…

A reminder on September 28 the theatrical release dates and locations nationwide of Shaping Youth advisory board member and amazing documentary filmmaker Michealene Cristini Risley!

A hit at Sundance, she now launches the nationwide film premiere of Tapestries of Hope.com telling the story of  CNN Hero ’09 Betty Makoni’s Girl Child Network, healing the hearts and minds of the youngest rape survivors in Zimbabwe.

We’ll also be doing a week long roundup of digital resources involving the bullying and teen DV sphere, with tips on healthy/unhealthy  relationships including an interview with the author of “Frog or Prince? (review here) by Kaycee Jane, a two-part content review of Rosalind Wiseman’s Girl World Tour (which kicks off Monday in Scottsdale, with her full tour date slate here…

...AND an update with the filmmakers of the Adina’s Deck series including digital abuse and cyberbullying geared to 4th-7th grade cybersleuths. Adina’s Deck now has a new storefront on Amazon where teachers, scout troops, parents and youth groups can access their Q&A film guides with peer to peer appeal.

I’m hoping to launch this ‘back to school’ week of digital abuse/bullyproofing and ‘upstanding’ by late next week…As we all know, the TECH side of this equation (blocking/filters/legal prosecution, etc) is complex, as this Salon article indicates here…No easy fix for ANY of it, sadly.

My heart goes out to the victim, family and friends of the Pitt Meadows, BC crime, with brighter hopes for humanity ahead.

In fact, thankfully, someone has already created a Facebook Group to support the 16yo girl in Pitt Meadows (which I joined, shared, and tweeted widely, hoping you’ll do the same—already well over 6300 ‘likes’ in 96 hrs)

The positivity and well-wishing is integral on the path to healing, and it’s the least we can all do as human beings to renew our own faith in humanity when rattled to its core.

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” ~Mohandas K. Gandhi

Violence Prevention, Education, Justice

Via Where Is Your Line.org

NYC Against Rape
RAINN
Love Is Respect
Women’s Law
The National Center for Higher Education Risk Management
Men Can Stop Rape
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
Impact Self Defense
The White Ribbon Campaign
The Pixel Project

Some Shaping Youth Posts on Digital Abuse & Ethics

NetFamilyNews Posts Cyberbullying Statistics; ConnectSafely Forum Helpful

Harris Interactive Research: How Cyberbullying is Shaping Youth Savvy

Precedent Setting Cyberbullying Indictment for Missouri Mom

SXSW: Teen Docu-Drama & Digital Doings+New Cyberbullying Study

Shaping Youth Part One: Are Game Cheats a Misnomer?

Shaping Youth Part TWO: Kids, Gaming Ethics & Immersive Virtual Worlds

Shaping Youth Part Three: Community Solidarity Online

Resources on Digital Citizenship, Ethics/Teen Dating Violence & more

A Thin Line.org-MTV’s Over the Line (digital abuse/teen control)

Parent/Child Digital Consciousness Contract by IROC2.org

Adina’s Deck Amazon/DVD edu series on digital abuse (gd 4-7)

See It and Stop It! Organization

Do Something Organization

LiveStrong: Teen Dating Violence

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Love is Not Abuse.com (Liz Claiborne campaign)

APA: Teens/Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt (pdf)

HelpGuide.org: Cycle of abuse/DV; cause-effect

HSUS/Animal abuse & corollary w/domestic violence

Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness

Break the Cycle

Love Is Respect

RespectRx

Bom411.com: Boss of Me

Connect Safely.org: Safety Tips & Advice

CSM Internet Safety Tips

MTV’s A Thin Line Campaign (RESEARCH info/stats on sexting, etc.)

Wired Magazine’s ‘Threat Level’ blurb on sexting survey 12-3-09

Virtual Worlds, Online Community Ethics:

Positive Practices & Embracing the Guild Effect

How Schools Can Use the Guild Effect to Curb Digital Abuse

CNET: Study Has Good News About Kids Online Behavior (Larry Magid)

Help For Teaching Digital Citizenship (NetFamilyNews: Anne Collier)

How to Teach Net Safety, Ethics & Security: BLEND Them In! (NFN Anne C)

ISTE Teacher Nets: Digital Citizenship Links From Educator Anne Bubnic

Global Kids Digital Initiative: Overview of Report

Meeting of Minds Report: Oct. ’09, 20pp pdf study (Global Kids/CSM/GoodPlay Project)

RezEd.org: Ethics & Virtual Worlds conversation

(initiated by Sam Gilbert of the GoodPlay Project)

Digital Media: The GoodPlay Project (funded by the MacArthur Foundation)

Virtual Research Ethics (Guardian/U.K.)